Abu Dhabi: Table for One, Please

Yes, table for one.

No, no one will be joining me. Thankfully.

OK, except this guy.

Esquire -- Middle East Edition. 

A glass of the 2011 Italian pinot gris, please. I'm nothing if not predictable.

For the lady:

Course 1:

Cream of cauliflower soup with garlic croutons

Course 2:

Caesar salad with the hugest anchovies I've ever had

Roasted strips of zucchini

French bread with brie and fig jam

Fatoush (Arabic salad with mixed greens, cucumbers, and toasted pita strips)

Cold calamari salad with baby potatoes

Uhmm -- sir? Unfortunately a bug has landed in my wine. A big one. Normally I would remove it. I ain't proud. But, no. Not here. Despite the relative lack of bugs here. Could I get a fresh one? Thanks so much.

Course 3:

Veal piccata

Beef medallion

Jasmine rice

Sauteed mushrooms (what is it with the sauteed mushrooms here? To die for!)

Scalloped cauliflower

Roasted potatoes

Seasoned with an assorted salt buffet:

Top row: smoke salt, lemon salt, Cyprus black sea salt, Himalayan salt, chipotle salt. Bottom row: rosemary salt, wild mushroom salt, wild garlic salt.

(SISTER. SERIOUSLY.)

Course 4, clockwise:

Rice pudding with sliced pistachios and chopped dried cranberries

White cake with peach filling and icing

Blueberries and cream something-or-other

Cherry cheesecake with graham crust and a single halved blueberry atop

Chocolate ganache/cream roll 

Uhm -- sir? Hi. I'm a hillbilly from Oregon/Idaho. I dropped a peach/white cake number from the dessert cabinet, on the floor, but didn't know what to do with it, so there it sits. Even tho I've returned to my seat, could you pick it up for me, so no one gets it on their shoes? OK, I know there is a general exodus from this area in June, so there's only one other person in here, but I just wanted to make you aware of the sitch. Thanks so much!

Dessert cabinet? YES. This was a BUFFET.